A Pearl of Great Price

My sweet daughter turned 1 year old this weekend. With a year of her life already nested in memory and out of grasp, I've been brought this week to think about the beginnings of her time with us, especially in light of my dear friend and college roommate Bonnie’s passing out of this life. The intense and painful and surreal passing between veils, between "out there" and here, tangibly on Earth--birthing and dying.

Last May I was HUGE! I gained 50 pounds while carrying Sara (I was often asked if I was carrying twins or how long I was overdue). We’d just moved into our new home (yay, moving 9 months pregnant) and I was out-on-the-town for a girls' night with my mom-in-law and sisters-in-law to celebrate one of their birthdays. We laughed over pizza and speculated on baby's due date and what would set me into labor. I remember standing outside of the restaurant forever and chatting and feeling really restless—I was disappointed that I hadn't gone into labor (although I’d learned not to expect it on my due date from my first pregnancy) and it was getting late and I was anxious to get home and go to bed. My newly married (3-weeks!) sister-in-law drove me home and we laughed about babies, etc.

We pulled in the driveway and as I got out of the car….WHOOSH! Mid-sentence I just stop and gasp as my water broke all over my new front lawn. My sweet sister-in-law starts freaking out a little “Lauran, what’s wrong, Lauran, what happened? Did your water just break?!?! What do I do?!?!?!” She ran in to get me a towel and to tell Dustin (who had JUST managed to get our almost 2 year old daughter to sleep). I jumped in the shower and took some time to get ready, dreading the coming night just a little bit—I was so tired and wasn't sure I could really deliver a baby that night. I really enjoyed having a natural delivery for my first child but told Dustin on the way to the hospital that I was planning on getting an epidural for this one for sure.

I was nervous.

When my water had partially broken my first labor contractions began right away. It had been an hour since my water broke this time and still I felt nothing. What if they had to induce me? What if this wasn't really labor and something had gone wrong? What if, what if, what if?

About 10:30 pm we arrived at the hospital and as we walked up to L&D I felt the first stirrings of a contraction and actually got excited. Good, I thought, I really am in labor. Whew. Sara’s labor was actually quite calm, especially the first few hours. My mom was with Rosie, my sisters had other plans, and so it ended up being my husband and my dad for the first hour or so—rather humorous to have my all-male cheer team :) Dustin got to sleep a bit and I laid down and tried to get some rest. Around 1:00 am the doctor (we were SO lucky to get the same doctor and same nurse as Rosie’s birth—they both made such a difference!) came in, cleared the rest of the water sac, and recommended I get up and start walking around. I hadn't asked for an epidural yet because, well, it wasn't as painful as I remembered labor being yet. It was still do-able.

As it began getting harder we decided to try out the tub. The tub was awesome and things were progressing well…too  well. Before I knew it it was time to push—but I was still soaking in the warm water. Looking back, it was a funny moment—getting out while trying to get dressed and really trying not to push. During one especially strong surge I knelt down on the ground and my nurse, for the first time in two deliveries, got a little bit of anxious panic in her voice: “No, Lauran, we do not want to have the baby here on the bathroom floor--we've got  to make it to the bed!” I actually managed to laugh and assure her we wouldn't have a bathroom baby. In the moments it took to get to the bed the baby was already crowning. The doctor rushed into the room and everyone was shouting at me to stop pushing, to pant or cross my eyes or do anything but push while he got dressed for delivery. Yeah, it had been a relatively low-pain labor, but now it was off-the charts--WOW it was crazy painful. I got onto the bed around 3:00 am and Sara came at 3:08 am. Most painful 8 minutes of my life, but she came so quickly and it was so exhilarating to have her come out to us and come directly to me (and the doctor had no problem catching her this time).

She was a BIG bundle of joy: my on-her-due-date baby was 9lbs. 13oz. Bigger than a lot of 1 month-olds :) No wonder her coming out hurt so bad.

I didn't get to hold her long as they had to give her some oxygen and clear her stomach. But even with a clear airway she hardly cried at all—even after the traumatic and certainly painful birthing process my sweet girl was calm and gentle. I'd been so worried that I couldn't love another kid like I loved Rosie--she had made me a mom, and we shared something special. And then Sara came and brought such a sweet joy into our family that I don't know what we ever did without her. She is my calming strength and serene joy. She has been such a blessing, with her thoughtful gaze and her big beautiful eyes.