A Pearl of Great Price

My sweet daughter turned 1 year old this weekend. With a year of her life already nested in memory and out of grasp, I've been brought this week to think about the beginnings of her time with us, especially in light of my dear friend and college roommate Bonnie’s passing out of this life. The intense and painful and surreal passing between veils, between "out there" and here, tangibly on Earth--birthing and dying.

Last May I was HUGE! I gained 50 pounds while carrying Sara (I was often asked if I was carrying twins or how long I was overdue). We’d just moved into our new home (yay, moving 9 months pregnant) and I was out-on-the-town for a girls' night with my mom-in-law and sisters-in-law to celebrate one of their birthdays. We laughed over pizza and speculated on baby's due date and what would set me into labor. I remember standing outside of the restaurant forever and chatting and feeling really restless—I was disappointed that I hadn't gone into labor (although I’d learned not to expect it on my due date from my first pregnancy) and it was getting late and I was anxious to get home and go to bed. My newly married (3-weeks!) sister-in-law drove me home and we laughed about babies, etc.

We pulled in the driveway and as I got out of the car….WHOOSH! Mid-sentence I just stop and gasp as my water broke all over my new front lawn. My sweet sister-in-law starts freaking out a little “Lauran, what’s wrong, Lauran, what happened? Did your water just break?!?! What do I do?!?!?!” She ran in to get me a towel and to tell Dustin (who had JUST managed to get our almost 2 year old daughter to sleep). I jumped in the shower and took some time to get ready, dreading the coming night just a little bit—I was so tired and wasn't sure I could really deliver a baby that night. I really enjoyed having a natural delivery for my first child but told Dustin on the way to the hospital that I was planning on getting an epidural for this one for sure.

I was nervous.

When my water had partially broken my first labor contractions began right away. It had been an hour since my water broke this time and still I felt nothing. What if they had to induce me? What if this wasn't really labor and something had gone wrong? What if, what if, what if?

About 10:30 pm we arrived at the hospital and as we walked up to L&D I felt the first stirrings of a contraction and actually got excited. Good, I thought, I really am in labor. Whew. Sara’s labor was actually quite calm, especially the first few hours. My mom was with Rosie, my sisters had other plans, and so it ended up being my husband and my dad for the first hour or so—rather humorous to have my all-male cheer team :) Dustin got to sleep a bit and I laid down and tried to get some rest. Around 1:00 am the doctor (we were SO lucky to get the same doctor and same nurse as Rosie’s birth—they both made such a difference!) came in, cleared the rest of the water sac, and recommended I get up and start walking around. I hadn't asked for an epidural yet because, well, it wasn't as painful as I remembered labor being yet. It was still do-able.

As it began getting harder we decided to try out the tub. The tub was awesome and things were progressing well…too  well. Before I knew it it was time to push—but I was still soaking in the warm water. Looking back, it was a funny moment—getting out while trying to get dressed and really trying not to push. During one especially strong surge I knelt down on the ground and my nurse, for the first time in two deliveries, got a little bit of anxious panic in her voice: “No, Lauran, we do not want to have the baby here on the bathroom floor--we've got  to make it to the bed!” I actually managed to laugh and assure her we wouldn't have a bathroom baby. In the moments it took to get to the bed the baby was already crowning. The doctor rushed into the room and everyone was shouting at me to stop pushing, to pant or cross my eyes or do anything but push while he got dressed for delivery. Yeah, it had been a relatively low-pain labor, but now it was off-the charts--WOW it was crazy painful. I got onto the bed around 3:00 am and Sara came at 3:08 am. Most painful 8 minutes of my life, but she came so quickly and it was so exhilarating to have her come out to us and come directly to me (and the doctor had no problem catching her this time).

She was a BIG bundle of joy: my on-her-due-date baby was 9lbs. 13oz. Bigger than a lot of 1 month-olds :) No wonder her coming out hurt so bad.

I didn't get to hold her long as they had to give her some oxygen and clear her stomach. But even with a clear airway she hardly cried at all—even after the traumatic and certainly painful birthing process my sweet girl was calm and gentle. I'd been so worried that I couldn't love another kid like I loved Rosie--she had made me a mom, and we shared something special. And then Sara came and brought such a sweet joy into our family that I don't know what we ever did without her. She is my calming strength and serene joy. She has been such a blessing, with her thoughtful gaze and her big beautiful eyes. 

Mother's Day

We've got a house full of sickies. What a great way to spend Mother's Day: I got hit Friday with the flu, Dustin followed suit Saturday, and the girls have been developing coughs in addition to Rosie's ear infection... *pasted smile*

It was actually, surprisingly, a wonderful day. We were up early at church because Dustin was asked to speak about the importance of families. The talk was beautiful, and his eloquence in describing the purpose and blessings of having a family spread a happy sheen over the rest of our day. And I got to thinking about my past few Mother's Days....

My first Mother's Day, barely 6-months married, wasn't all that eventful. I think Dustin did buy me flowers, but mostly because during our first year of marriage I read a lot into not getting presents and other such showy signs of affection (poor guy). It was the first Mother's Day that I could have conceivably (pun intended) been expecting a child, and I remember wondering that weekend if I ever would someday be a mom, if--although I'd grown up expecting to become one--I could really fill that role or if I'd even be able to have kids. Lots of thinking, worrying, wondering about the future...

My next Mother's Day found me HUGE! I was 40-weeks-and-1-day pregnant with our first little girl and officially "overdue"--I'd been expecting (again, love the puns) to be a Mom this Mother's Day for, oh, eight months by this point and was EXTREMELY disappointed that I was still not a MOM, especially when Dustin gave me the flowers that he'd bought thinking I would be one by this point (pregnant lady reasoning..I guess technically I still "qualified" as a Mom, a fact my husband pointed out to me multiple times that day). I'd tried EVERYTHING that weekend--jumping, walking, yoga, castor oil (whoops), and every other wives-tale you've heard of--yeah, I'm pretty sure we went through them all, and still no labor-and-delivery signs popping up to greet me. Waited all day for it to happen--I think I ended up staying up until midnight just to make sure she really wasn't going to come on Mother's Day and make me a mom for this year's celebration (My baby decided to wait until I was a week overdue and then came at 41 weeks, hours before I would have been scheduled to be induced).

Mother's Day #3--I had an almost 1 year old and realized that Mother's Day, when your baby knows about four words and is easily distracted by movement, sugar, and wide open spaces, is still mostly for celebrating your mom and mom-in-law who live less than 30 minutes away from you. Still got my nice bunch of flowers from the local grocery store's bargain-bouquet rack :)

Last year, I was once again 39-and-counting weeks pregnant, and wondering if I'd be spending this Mother's Day in the hospital (nope). We'd just moved days before into our new home (yeah, moving 39-weeks pregnant is not all that fun, especially with an almost-2 year old "helping") and we were recovering.....and prepping. Two May babies, 2-years-minus-3-days apart.

This year, my almost-3 and almost-1 year old daughters didn't make any crafts for me. They didn't get up and make me breakfast (we are all sick and have church at 9:00, so we were lucky to get up and there as it was). I don't think either of them wished me a Happy Mother's Day (husband still came through with the flowers though). And yet all day I've been so incredibly grateful for them, for this experience, this transformation that motherhood is. Some people are born patient, some people quickly learn to be kind, some women innately know how to be fun and loving to children. Instead, Rosie and Sara have me, and every day, through their patience, the three of us learn what it means to be part of a family, to be nice to each other all day long (is Dad home yet?), to speak with patience and love and consideration, to stop pulling hair and throwing blocks and spilling food and spanking and rolling eyes, to revel in each and every moment we have together each day. I like the me that is emerging. Motherhood hasn't forced me to "lose" myself, but every week as I look back I do see the sharp bits weathering down and, hopefully, the hidden motherly tendencies polished up, and the fierce and consuming love and pride I have for my kids really tempers my temper and my soul into something that might be worth having around in this life and the eternities.

Second Pregnancy...

To those who don't know me from Adam, or who know and love me dearly:

I have a few suggestions on what (not) to say to pregnant women--especially if you saw both their first and second pregnancies and the less-than-positive aspects of this most recent one. I find these comments funny (especially when I get to tell my husband about it) but others might not see the humor...especially if they are dealing with other more hormonal effects of pregnancy.

You don't have to tell me I'm huge. I figured that out on my own, and I am reminded of it every time I stand up. It is not the most tasteful comment in the world to (7 tell a  months pregnant) preggo lady that

#1 "You look like you should be delivering tomorrow"

#2 "Are you sure you aren't having twins?"

#3 "Did you just get huge overnight or have I not seen you in forever?" (from someone who sees me weekly)

#4 "You're due in March, right? (no...May)

#5 (for obgyn doctors only) "You are measuring 28 weeks on the dot!...ohh, you aren't that far along? [checking my chart] Well, it's normal to be a little large on your 26 week visit...ohh, you are only on week 24? That's fine too, second babies get larger quicker quite often, ah-hem"

  My only question is--why didn't you tell me I was huge the first 25 pounds I gained? The last month I only put on 3 (and a half) pounds. Why wait until now to tell me that I look like a bloated whale?

  On a related (and more important) note, thank you for noticing that I am pregnant. Thank you for being excited for me. Thank you for wanting to talk about my baby. I know and love lots of people who haven't had the chance to be expecting a child and I've been blessed to be able to travel it road twice. I am savoring 96% of the journey (minus the hugeness and running out of clothes that fit) and I love talking about 100% of it, so even if you come up and tell me I'm fatter than Jabba the Hut, it's going to be enjoyable for me to comment on it--it's all part of the miracle, and I love sharing it with those around me.

 

New Year, Old Resolutions

I really like blogging. You'd never know it to glance through a timeline of this blog's posts--so sporadic. Usually grouped in twos or threes, but spread months apart.

Mostly I attribute this to school. Doing a masters degree as a mom means that every moment that is nap-time or otherwise free (like when Dustin gets home and can watch Rosie) is used to work on homework, lesson plans, and thesis. BUT I am in my last semester and I am determined to get into the habit of posting once a month until I graduate and am FREEEEEEEE.......

Oh, wait. That's when our family's kid count doubles. Baby girl #2 will make her debut sometime in the middle of May (the week of Rosie's 2nd birthday, actually), but if I start now and condition myself to get on here at least once a month, then hopefully that will keep happening when craziness hits this summer.

I have a dozen drafts from last year half-finished that I'd love to post--but I personally lose interest quickly in the blogs that continually start "ok, so I know I am WAY behind, but SO much has happened I've just got to share the past six months with you..." So I will cave only so far as to end this post with a photo blast, but I feel justified because it is so nice to post pictures of Rosie now that she has hair :) I will limit myself to that and keep moving forward, looking forward to a new year with old resolutions (which I WILL accomplish this year!), including:

Blog at least once a month.
Take Rosie to the library once a month.
Study the scriptures daily as an individual, couple, and family.
Use my sewing machine.
Hike a mountain peak.
Clean the house at least twice a month.
Plant and keep a garden alive.
Restart foreign language study.
Leave the state 5 times.

 New resolutions for the new year include:
Graduate with a masters degree.
Have another baby.
Buy a house/place to live.

  And just for the record, even though I DO have a dozen old resolutions, I did get a few things accomplished during 2013:
   Became a writing instructor at BYU
   Ran a marathon
   Kept my first child alive for a whole year--and relatively unscathed
   Visited my childhood home, school, and neighborhood.

   Took Rosie to Disneyworld

   Rode in a hot air balloon

   

   

  

Yup, a great year, and we're ready for another!

Night of my Life

Dustin: I just had the most amazing night of my life! After going a full week beyond the due date, baby is finally here! Rosalee Ray Fuller (we call her "Little Rosie" mostly) was born on May 19, 2012 at 3:34am. She was born a healthy 7 lbs 11 oz and 19 inches long. My awesome wife went through labor and delivery without any meds and she was still able to joke around and make me laugh. 

It all started happening on Friday evening. We were having our weekly date night, a quick dinner at Wendy's and some ice cream at Cold Stone (of course we would spend more on ice cream than the rest of dinner). When we stood up to leave Cold Stone, Lauran had a bit of a surprise--her water was leaking! We grabbed some napkins and ran out the door, grateful for the towel we had put in the car for just such an occasion. When we got home, we called the hospital and told them the situation and they told us to get to the hospital right away. Deciding that it wasn't quite time for something as drastic as the hospital (it was only a little leak, and no real contractions), we tried going on walks and watching a movie to get contractions going. During our walk, contractions really started kicking in. We sat down to watch an episode of 'Person of Interest' and didn't even get through 15 minutes before deciding that it was time to get moving. Lu's contractions were 3 minutes apart and getting more intense.

After an eventful drive to the hospital we went in to get checked in and see where things were at. (NOTE FROM LU: Dustin said to look like we just arrived at Disneyland--I think he set me up.  But it was between contractions, so I was feeling pretty good)

At about 10:15pm Lu was dilated to a four and 90% effaced. She was doing awesome! The next few hours were intense, but Lu kept fighting through. We had 'fun' with the birth ball and using all of the tips we learned at our birthing prep class. At around 2:00am Lu's water broke and she started transition. By 2:50am she was pushing and baby was really on her way. The most amazing moment was when Rosie came out to say hello to the world.

We're such a happy family!!

What I've Learned from Pregnancy

A few tips I've picked up from this incredible, overwhelming, almost-over pregnancy:

1.  You either look "so small!" or "ginormous."  People can't really agree which one, but they will always tell you one or the other  You never look like a "normal" pregnant lady.

2.  Food tastes even more amazing when you are pregnant (unless you are puking it up) and the more salty, spicy, or random the better! (the last few months I've begun to once again enjoy the sweet things of life as well, but it took some time)  Beware those freaky cravings for things like chicken bouillon snow-cones...stick to salt and vinegar chips!  And husbands, remind your wife to let you salt the food or no normal person will be able to stomach it.

3.  One of your new favorite pastimes will be to watch your gut twitch. Maybe it is a sorry case of 'simple minds, simple pleasures,' but the fact that I could just sit there and my belly would go 'glug glug' and I could watch it moving was more entertaining than any magic show or midnight showing.  There's something alive in there!!!!

4.  You thought high school acne was bad?  That was a baby's bottom compared to 2nd trimester - seriously, worst day of middle school x 10,000.  Stay away from the cameras.

5.  You WILL have to run to the potty every 40 minutes, every day, every week of your pregnancy--it is unavoidable.  So, you may as well stay hydrated, because you have to go whether you are drinking or not.

6.  This is one of the few (or only) times in your life when you find your husband's jokes about your weight funny.

7.  NEVER expect the baby to come on time.  And DOUBLE NEVER expect an early delivery.  Prepare for one, yes, but have your sights set on 2 weeks after your estimated due date or you will die, I promise.  We are almost 5 days over, and I can testify that the 41st week is worse than the previous 40 weeks combined.  So. Not. Fun.

8.  You WILL get stretch marks.  Doesn't matter what you do--they will come.  Even if they don't appear until halfway through your 39th week. (Yeah, I totally thought I was off the hook.  TOO BAD!  Less than 2 weeks left, and sha-ZAM-oo-BANG, they come popping out)

9.  Successful attempts to naturally induce labor are all MYTHS.  NOTHING works, they are just placebos for the strong-minded.  Castor oil, birds-and-the-bees, long and vigorous walks, stairs, swimming, curb walking, mediation, balsamic vinegar, taking it easy, jumping, massage, aerobics, Ultimate Frisbee, stretching, visualization, NOTHING! I have tried them all, many of them repeatedly, over the past week.  You'd think over a week of 3cm+ wouldn't need such drastic measures.  I am even having my doubts about pitocin at this point...

10.  (Minus the 41st week) Seriously the best time of my life.  Even with the sickness and acne and bathroom trips and weight gain and sleep deprivation and waiting, waiting, waiting (that is quite the list, maybe I will rethink this next statement) pregnancy has been the best few months of my life so far.  We are so excited to see our family growing and I have been so happy (around the mood swings) to share this with Dustin.  I've learned a lot about me and life and God's plan for us.  I (knock on wood) am already looking forward to the next kid!! (if this little girl survives our terribly inexperienced and unprepared parenting attempts, that is!).  So grateful, and so blessed.

Home Furnishings: Part 1

 Here's a fun photo montage of home improvement projects we have been working on lately.   A follow-up post will have to cover our garden, living room, and nursery.

 

 My mother is the mastermind behind a beautiful quilt for our new baby - and I tried my hand a bit at sewing the parts that I couldn't mess up too badly - or at least that Mom could do easy damage control on.  It's so cute! (not that you can tell from my face - you've gotta concentrate to sew, people!)

 

The fact that baby's quilt is going to be done at all is a feat to be proud of.  I have been working on this quilt for a few years now and have only just gotten it to the point that you can almost see what it will look like - blue and more yellow squares to follow!

 This little project makes me smile every time I look at it.  First trimester landed smack dab in the middle of canning season.  Tip - don't can peaches or tomatoes when you are pregnant.  Applesauce and pears are okay--but the others will make you puke.  But, with some work, we've got our little supply of canned fruit with some surrounding random food storage supplies.  I am waaaaay too proud of this little domestic act!

 

My awesome older sister Emily documented these beginning stages of our largest nursery project.  My incredible Aunt Teresa donated her beautiful crib and gliding rocker for our baby's room.  The crib is perfect, but the chair needed a little fixing up.  This is us in Dad's workshop cleaning and sanding down the wooden frame.  We got a lot of saw dust on us everywhere--which explains the funny clothes: didn't want to get our work/school clothes all sawdust-y.

Really, slow going work.  Good thing Dustin keeps us on a tight schedule and actually thinks finished products are possible in this life.  Can't wait to show you the other stuff we've done!!

Almost there!!!

Too many of my friends have promised to post those last few weeks of pregnancy pictures and then their baby comes early and I never get to enjoy seeing them fat.  So, here are a couple for all of you, mostly from my amazing sister Emily who is the queen of documenting. 

I hope that you all are enthralled with the back-lighting in this picture enough to not notice the cropping job I did at the bottom because my dress is getting much too short--that happens when it has to cover a sack of potatoes plus the normal me.

I thought shaving your legs pregnant was hard until I tried to paint my toenails one last time--this is a great time to shout-out to my amazing friend Chaucie Durnham for her spa night she provided last night - massage, emulsified, and painted feet/toes plus an awesome hair-cut.  At least there will be something attractive for the doctor and nurses to look at...

I know this is a repeat, but I love it because it kinda captures how I feel about pregnancy--kind of shocked by the whole thing but exceedingly blessed with the lack of complications and usual bad side effects.  Unlike many other times in my life, the pregnant me doesn't worry about weight and my image in general, other people's judgments (except about baby names), or my worth as a person (talk about random miracles a huge gut can give you).  While I have been pregnant I've actually felt like I could conquer the world and found the guts to do some bucket list things I'd not dared to attempt before.  

To sum up, pregnant people can still enjoy doing this:

Month 1: Travel around England

-Hike King's Peak (13-thousand and some-odd feet)

Month 2: Present an academic paper (that actually 

has some merit) at a conference

Month 3: Target shooting

Month 4: Moved

Month 5: Skiing (the balance is definitely different with a belly)

Month 6: DISNEYLAND :)  :)  :)

-Accepted into grad school

Month 7: Run/Waddle a 5-mile race (that got some great comments)

-Enjoy the Festival of Colors (as already seen)

Month 8: Take finals for some masters' pre-req courses

-Continue to enjoy the dozen kids we teach in Nursery

Month 9: WAIT FOR BABY (AKA learn patience--a feat not accomplished 

by my mother, the mission, etc.)

Wish I could say I felt ready for this little girl to come--I guess no one ever really does feel ready.  But I can sure as heck say we are excited beyond belief to have this little kicking, squirming, unique bundle of joy finally almost ready to come to our home.  Can't wait until she can meet all of you!

A few more pictures per request:

Color, Color Everywhere

Maybe another reason why my baby shower is in such a happy place in my memory:

THIS is what we did right after!  

Yes, fill up on yummy and delicious food, get presents for baby, chat it up with lots of friends, and then go throw neon cornstarch on complete strangers...can you think of a better way to spend your Saturday?

We watched the "timed throwing" from afar (which is good, because it looked like an atomic bomb testing site - we would have asphyxiated I am sure) But as soon as we showed up people started decking us out before we could even get our own bags of color.

I'd been to the Holi Festival of Colors about 5 years before and I was amazed at how it had changed - last time they really focused on the religious aspect of it - for example, we dumb spectators could peek into the temple, but only worshippers could enter the mystically peaceful room.  This year they let people enter the temple to hoop, holler, and dance around.  It was a little sad to see, along with the colored handprints on the temple walls (yes, they will wash off, but it is a site of worship!).  I guess when the attendance grows by over 5,000 every year you can't help but let some commercialism creep in.  

Not gonna lie, though, we had a BLAST ourselves!

The most memorable moment must have been when two females absolutely drenched in colors came up and started exclaiming over my belly - and then insisting to draw a heart on it. And then a smiley face, and then... you get the idea.  We heard lots of comments, laughs, and congratulations about our baby-on-the-way.  Some people were surprised to see a seven-month pregnant lady there--but I was more surprised to see people carrying infants around the festivities - glad our little baby was breathing amniotic fluid and not incense-spiked powder.

It...mostly came off.  I had a pink arm pit and a blue arm pit (TMI???) for about a week until it wore off, as well as a bright pink scalp (but most people assumed it was a bad sunburn, so it wasn't too obvious except to other festival of color veterans).

Good times--great life:)