What I've Learned from Pregnancy

A few tips I've picked up from this incredible, overwhelming, almost-over pregnancy:

1.  You either look "so small!" or "ginormous."  People can't really agree which one, but they will always tell you one or the other  You never look like a "normal" pregnant lady.

2.  Food tastes even more amazing when you are pregnant (unless you are puking it up) and the more salty, spicy, or random the better! (the last few months I've begun to once again enjoy the sweet things of life as well, but it took some time)  Beware those freaky cravings for things like chicken bouillon snow-cones...stick to salt and vinegar chips!  And husbands, remind your wife to let you salt the food or no normal person will be able to stomach it.

3.  One of your new favorite pastimes will be to watch your gut twitch. Maybe it is a sorry case of 'simple minds, simple pleasures,' but the fact that I could just sit there and my belly would go 'glug glug' and I could watch it moving was more entertaining than any magic show or midnight showing.  There's something alive in there!!!!

4.  You thought high school acne was bad?  That was a baby's bottom compared to 2nd trimester - seriously, worst day of middle school x 10,000.  Stay away from the cameras.

5.  You WILL have to run to the potty every 40 minutes, every day, every week of your pregnancy--it is unavoidable.  So, you may as well stay hydrated, because you have to go whether you are drinking or not.

6.  This is one of the few (or only) times in your life when you find your husband's jokes about your weight funny.

7.  NEVER expect the baby to come on time.  And DOUBLE NEVER expect an early delivery.  Prepare for one, yes, but have your sights set on 2 weeks after your estimated due date or you will die, I promise.  We are almost 5 days over, and I can testify that the 41st week is worse than the previous 40 weeks combined.  So. Not. Fun.

8.  You WILL get stretch marks.  Doesn't matter what you do--they will come.  Even if they don't appear until halfway through your 39th week. (Yeah, I totally thought I was off the hook.  TOO BAD!  Less than 2 weeks left, and sha-ZAM-oo-BANG, they come popping out)

9.  Successful attempts to naturally induce labor are all MYTHS.  NOTHING works, they are just placebos for the strong-minded.  Castor oil, birds-and-the-bees, long and vigorous walks, stairs, swimming, curb walking, mediation, balsamic vinegar, taking it easy, jumping, massage, aerobics, Ultimate Frisbee, stretching, visualization, NOTHING! I have tried them all, many of them repeatedly, over the past week.  You'd think over a week of 3cm+ wouldn't need such drastic measures.  I am even having my doubts about pitocin at this point...

10.  (Minus the 41st week) Seriously the best time of my life.  Even with the sickness and acne and bathroom trips and weight gain and sleep deprivation and waiting, waiting, waiting (that is quite the list, maybe I will rethink this next statement) pregnancy has been the best few months of my life so far.  We are so excited to see our family growing and I have been so happy (around the mood swings) to share this with Dustin.  I've learned a lot about me and life and God's plan for us.  I (knock on wood) am already looking forward to the next kid!! (if this little girl survives our terribly inexperienced and unprepared parenting attempts, that is!).  So grateful, and so blessed.